A Day In The Life Of Tanner Lemrick
Connor Strange
Co-Editor-in-Chief
A traditional news story begins with the most important facts and then expands on that with quotes, images and bonus information. Interviewing Tanner Lemrick was anything but traditional, and it couldn’t be made into a conventional story by even the most skilled writer. Therefore, the following is an almost-verbatim interview, removing only things which were inappropriate for public record - of which there were many.
This is a day in the life of Tanner Lemrick.
CS: Walk us through a day in the life of Tanner Lemrick. Be thorough.
TL: First off, I wake up, hit snooze and fall asleep. Wake up, hit snooze again, fall asleep. Wake up, hit snooze, fall asleep again. Wake up again, hit snooze, fall asleep. Wake up, hit snooze, fall asleep. And then at about 6:00, I wake up. Sometimes it’s 5:30 if I’m feeling very energetic about the day. I get ready at about 7:00, then I sit there and watch TV or do some homework since band is over. Then I make it here and go through a boring day of school where I see everyone I hate, aside from a few select people which I would prefer to be unknown. I get home at about 6:15 and then I’m usually pretty lazy and I just sit there - watch TV or play video games. But every once in a blue moon, I go outside to see what it’s like out there. I started working out recently.
CS: How’s the working out going?
TL: Sucks.
CS: It sucks?
TL: Sucks. CS: Could you elaborate?
TL: I grab the weight, I move it and I put it back down. Move it, put it back down. Are you following me?
CS: I’m following you.
TL: First is arms. That’s the worst. Legs and arms are on one day, arms gets its own because it sucks. Are you following me?
CS: I’m following you.
TL: First I work the triceps with some pushups and some thingy-madoohickes. I don’t know what they’re called, but they’re called something.
CS: I think we’ve got the idea -
TL: [Forcefully] No. No. No.
CS: I’m sorry.
TL: Then I move on to forearms.
CS: You really had your breakout role in the last musical. What was that like?
TL: It was fun. Kind of nerve wracking, but then you just go out there and do the best you can. [Grabs recorder] DO THE BEST YOU CAN. Are you following me?
CS: What would you say your role in drama club is?
TL: I don’t understand that question. I just don’t understand. I just don’t understand. [Forcefully] I just don’t understand.
CS: Okay. What else are you involved with, aside from drama?
TL: Choir and show choir. It’s fun, it’s fun. Learning the choreography for show choir is the worst thing ever. But, once you learn it - then it’s fun. You make a lot of new friends in choir. With people who don’t look like they can sing, you find out “Hey, they’re not that bad.” With people who look like they can sing, you find out “Hey, they suck.”
CS: Can I put that in the newspaper? [Following a quote which was requested for removal by Lemrick]
TL: Yeah, you can. Because it’s pretty funny.
CS: How are classes going?
TL: A lot of classes this year have a lot to do with organization. I’m horrible at that. In [Ms. Hopkins’] class, I got a low B on the notebook. Long story short, I got a low grade and then I aced it. ACED IT. I aced the notebook. Aced it, okay? In Mr. Harpster’s class, I’m doing okay. Better than Chase Baxter, and every day he tells me I suck at that class. But then I pin it back on him. He sucks.
CS: He tells you that you suck in the class?
TL: But then I pin it back on him.
CS: How would you describe yourself?
TL: Sexy. Talented. Sexy. Tall. Sexy. Lanky. Sexy. Kind of awkward. Sexy. Deep - as in conversational-wise. I like to have deep talks, but only with certain people.
TL: How is your curriculum going, Connor? I’m going to start interviewing you.
CS: Um… it’s not bad.
TL: What’s your role in drama?
CS: I’m not in drama.
TL: What else are you involved in, aside from drama?
CS: Well -
TL: Choir? I hear you’re in choir. What do you think about choir?
CS: This is going to be the craziest story, because you’re interviewing me. I’ll have quotes from myself. But let’s keep going.
TL: Would you vote for me if I ran for President?
CS: Yeah.
TL: I’m Republican. I’m more Democratic toward social issues, but when it comes to unemployment stuff and the economy, I’m more Republican.
CS: I can say, without a doubt, that I would vote for you.
TL: I’d vote for myself. I’m going to be a mountain man too. Do you want to hear my life plan?
CS: I want to hear your life plan.
TL: Okay. I’ve started working out. I’m going to get buff, join the military or go to any college I want. If I go to any college I want, I’m going to go to William & Mary in Virginia. I’m going to get into family law, because they make bank. That stuff is really stressful, but I’m not much of a sympathetic kind of guy. I’m going to do that for about ten years, then I’m going to call up a couple friends and we’re going to go live in the mountains and be mountain men. Then, when I reach my late forties or early fifties, I’ll get involved in politics and work my way up to presidency. Then die.
CS: What is your legacy going to be?
TL: Greatest president of all time, and the best mountain man.
The devolution of this interview was unlike any other. It had already begun at a somewhat low point of sanity, and spiraled into a nonsensical abyss in an all-too-short time. This has been a day in the life and a peek into the mind of Tanner Lemrick.
